When the emotional volcano erupts in such a way as mine did (see this post for more about that), it’s really difficult to stop the flow of lava. Sometimes your emotions become so over-the-top that you have no idea what is going on, or how you got there. And sometimes it happens in all the wrong places at the wrong time. There are, however, a couple of mental scenes that my therapist help me to set up before we even started the trauma therapy. 1. The Safe Place 2. The Container.
The purpose of a safe place is to give your mind somewhere to go when you feel like you are getting overwhelmed by your emotions. You use it during your EMDR sessions (more about that on this post), but it is actually quite helpful in day-to-day life. If you feel like your emotions are getting the better of you, just think about your safe place.
The second space you make available to yourself is a container. The purpose of this container is to give yourself a place to put your emotions to deal with them later. Notice that I didn’t say ignore them or stuff them away (my personal favorite). I said, “deal with them later.” Sometimes I deal with them on my own at home while I am taking a bath or when I am running. Sometimes I really have no idea what is going on and I deal with them with my therapist. The point, that I am only just starting to learn, is that you have to deal with them. They will just come out anyway. You may as well deal with them on your own terms.
“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.”
Anne Frank
Safe Place
Do you remember the scene in the Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood where Robin Hood leads Maid Marion by the hand behind the waterfall? For some reason when my therapist told me that I needed to come up with a “safe place” this scene kept popping into my head. So I blurted it out. This was a new one for her too.
As I walk through the waterfall, gracefully parting its way like a curtain opening, I inhale deeply the cold, damp air that now surrounds me. The rock underneath my feet is smooth and solid. There are spots of green moss that give me the traction I need to freely move about. There are shades of purple, blue, and green twisting together through the rock, much like the coloring of an oil slick. I feel covered and secure by the three walls surrounding me. These three walls have their own ecology of plants that I have never seen, for they only exist behind the waterfall. As I lay down on the cold, damp floor a my heart rate lowers. I listen to the fourth wall, the waterfall, as it sings me to sleep. My body and mind can now relax for I am safe behind the waterfall.
This is my safe place. You may have your own safe place that is completely different from mine. And that is okay! Some people use the beach. Not my thing, but that’s cool. You do you.
Container
This container was a difficult one for me to figure out. And to this day I have no idea where my idea came from, or why I chose it. My container is my brother’s childhood suitcase. Now this wasn’t one of those kids suitcases with cartoon characters all over it. This was a legit hard suitcase, and it was beautiful. It was black-and-white houndstooth print with a black handle. The inside was bright red satin, and there was that one pocket in the inside of the top. Very classic looking.
My therapist looked at me and said, “That sounds like a beautiful suitcase, but you need more compartments.” She told me that every time you have an emotion or event that you want to put in your container to deal with later, you want to put it in a separate compartment. You don’t want them to get jumbled together. Okay, makes sense.
My solution: zipper pouches. I use them to organize my life while I am travelling. Why can’t I use them to organize the suitcase in my brain? When I need to use my suitcase I simply close my eyes, open the suitcase, and put all of it away into a zipper pouch. Then I close the suitcase and deal with it on my own time.
Just like with my safe place being a waterfall, your container doesn’t have to be a suitcase. It can be anything you want it to be. This is just what works for me. Use your imagination, and have fun with it. Make it something you will actually use.
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”
Mark Twain
I know that my emotions can get mixed up some times, which can make my view of things way different from what is actually happening. I also know that I can step out, and use the tools that I have to better deal with potentially problematic situations. That being said, I don’t always get it right, and sometimes I have to make apologies. But in all honesty I will probably never get it right 100% of the time. And I am fine with that. I just hope that I can get it right more often than not.
XOXO – Jenna
