The winds howled and and the waves crashed onto the boat as they rowed, steadfast in their attempt to make it across the Sea of Galilee. They battled against the lake, their exhaustion building. It wasn’t until fourth watch and about three and a half miles in when he came to them, walking on water. They immediately feared him, insisting he was no man but a ghost. “It is I; don’t be afraid,” he said. “Have courage!” It was Jesus they realized, walking on water, coming to save them from the depths of Davy Jones’s locker. Now I am no Jesus, clearly, and I have no idea how to walk on water. I am simply Jenna, and I am learning how to walk on air.
We all have fears in this life, some big and some not so big, some understandable and some that may seem confusing to others. Those men feared those raging seas until someone gave them faith in themselves to keep going, to keep pushing. Some of our fears deserve to be leaned into and embraced head on, much like the oars pushing against the raging sea. It is in these cases where we can find the strength to keep moving forward with our lives, to keep upleveling ourselves, to keep learning who the fuck we are.
Strength can come from many places and take on a myriad of forms. It can look like standing up for yourself. It can look like building a muscle. It can look like puffing your chest out in order to make space between you and the pole so that your legs are free to move in such a way that makes it appear as though you are walking on air. Because let’s face it, sometimes our strength is the biggest deception we put out there. Oftentimes it is our courage that is hiding under that mask.
We don’t always get things the first time around. I would say that for most people, the first time is kind of a disaster of sorts. My attempt at Figurehead in the first part of this video was terrible. My foot wasn’t in the right place, my leg hook was out of wack, and I still can’t figure out what I am supposed to do with that top hand. This is why I videotape these. This is how I can see what I am doing, because when I dance I just get lost under the loud music and all the pretty lights. This is how I learn.
We need different perspectives in order to see things more clearly sometimes. We get blinded by our own fears and beliefs, so much so that we hold on so tightly, not realizing how much freedom and joy that can be found in the letting go of it all. This is not to say that we shouldn’t have any fears or not to believe in anything. Quite the contrary actually. I am glad that fire scares me a little. It reminds me not to get burned. And I’m glad that I’ve been able to push myself to do things that scare me, like being upside down on a giant metal pole. It still scares me, which is why you rarely see me taking my hands off the pole. It’s all progress, and to me that makes this walk through life feel a little bit lighter, like walking on air.
Mad love, Jenna
