This, Or Something Better

We have a New Moon in Libra on October 6, 2021 marking this day as my “personal new year.” Whatever your sun sign is, the new moon that occurs during that season is your new year according to the zodiacal calendar. This is the time where you would set some intentions on how you would like your year to look like moving forward. Even more importantly than that, ask yourself how you want to feel during this part of your life.

We spend so much time worrying about how to make money to actively participate in this life, because capitalism, that we completely lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of the day. I know I did. I chased after champagne wishes and caviar dreams only to realize that I prefer cheap margaritas and tacos. Anything tacos.

It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.

New moons are like a Monday or January 1, a fresh start if you will. These are the times where we plant the seeds of what is yet to come. We forget that these things take time. We try to rush everything in this life. We tug at the sprouts hoping that it will help the plants grow, only to destroy them in the process. “It’s my money, and I want it now.” Do they still make those terrible commercials?

Veil of Confusion

This New Moon in Libra is fun? Complicated? It kind of sucks actually, because on this same day Pluto turns direct. We have been in the midst of six planets in retrograde, so if you’ve been feeling especially stilted or stunted this is probably why. I know that personally I have been feeling pretty frustrated with myself.

Pluto exposes the shadow self, the part of you that you want to keep hidden away from the rest of the world. The Dark Side of the Moon, as it is sometimes called, is a rough patch to be in. It sucks to not like yourself. It sucks to look in the mirror everyday and not like the person that you have become. And it’s not your fault.

We slice parts of us away, sometimes out of protection, sometimes as a way to be accepted. No one wants to be excommunicated from the tribe. This is survival. I’ve done it more times than I can count. As an adult I am trying to put all the pieces back together. If I could just stop trying to jam the triangle into the round hole, that would be fucking great.

Fucking Up & Forgiving Ourselves

Oh the shame spiral that pushes itself right to the forefront when you start peeking into your soul’s closet! There was so much ugly crying, and snotting all over the place. Side note: I wonder how much money therapists have saved on tissues going virtual. I mean, I have totally wiped out a whole box processing my trauma, despite the fact that I carry handkerchiefs around with me.

This is the stuff that no one wants to admit. Everyone wants to tell you how wonderful it is when you come through to the other side of the trauma. It is 100% true. The other side is glorious! But you can’t get there with your brain. You have to get there with your heart. It’s our masculine-based society that tries to tell us that we can think our way out of every possible dilemma. We see how well that is going.

Learning to forgive myself is fucking hard. I am not even going to say that I have figured this whole thing out, because that would be lying to myself. My lizard brain sometimes tells me that I am a bad person. It’s the training, the neural pathways that I have grooved into my mind. It is a constant battle up there, like a Galaga game that hasn’t run out of tokens yet. I am still trying to rewrite the coding. Shut up Jay Sherman!

Progress, Not Perfection

I thought I had to have my whole life figured out by the time I graduated high school. Isn’t that what we are taught? I had a whole plan laid out in front of me, one that I created for myself. I got all the way to the top of the goal sheet only to realize that I had climbed the wrong ladder. I simply didn’t want it anymore, and I don’t think I ever really did to be honest.

It seemed like an acceptable alternative to working in a cubicle farm. At least I wasn’t sitting at a desk all day, right? I am literally sitting at a desk right now. Oh the fucking irony of it all! The difference is that it’s my desk, and I can write whatever I want because I own this website. These are my journals.

We have the corresponding Libra Full Moon on April 16, 2022. That’s six months from now. A lot can happen in that amount of time. Let’s check back in then to see how those seeds have germinated. What is going to bloom inside of you? I can’t wait to see.

Mad love, Jenna

Enjoy this Air Element playlist this season!