No one tells you growing up that if you don’t deal with your emotions, they will come back to bite you in the ass. My emotions did just that exact thing to me. I have spent my entire life trying to emotionally run away from anything that might hurt me. Boy was I wrong!
I guess at some point your body says that enough is enough. Your nervous system checks in big time, sending you immediately into flight-or-fight mode. It’s almost explosive. The adrenaline rush, the shaking, it all floods your system. Overload.
You try to fight the panic, trying to keep it from taking over completely. What are you so scared of? You can’t put it into words. It’s not something tangible that you can explain away. It goes much deeper than that.
You don’t even know how this all happened. It just hit you like a ton of bricks, leaving you confused, which just scares you even more. And the circle begins.
I have read numerous self-help books. I have listened to podcasts. I follow all of the positive and encouraging people I can find on social media, people who have been where I am now. The main thing I’ve noticed is that no one talks about is how difficult it is to get through to the other side.
All they seem to talk about is how happy they are on the other side of whatever their problem was. You don’t see the days that they can’t leave the house, because they can’t stop crying. You don’t see the moments of pure despair, and wanting all of the panic to go away. You sometimes wonder if it ever will.
People tend to withdraw when they are going through something truly emotional. I have. This season of my life requires me to be less accessible. This season of my life requires me to be more private. It’s a lonely road that unfortunately kind of just needs to be followed.
It was only until during a therapy session that I actually just sat with the panic and fear. Using EMDR I was able to open up the emotional flood gates. I cried, and I mean a lot.
It also doesn’t just end in the therapy office. Once you open up those flood gates, you just have to let it all out. I spent the next few days with my sympathetic nervous system in full panic mode. I would wake up like the exorcist. I would randomly just start crying. I went back to therapy terrified that the panic attacks would never stop. Logically I know that it is not possible; your body can only handle so much before it crashes. (Did I mention how physically exhausting this all is?) The truth of the matter is that I need to tap into my parasympathetic nervous system in order to give myself some relief.
The easiest way that I can remember this is that the sympathetic nervous system is your flight-or-fight mode. Think stress. The parasympathetic nervous system is your rest and relax mode. Think peace. Sympathetic equals stress, parasympathetic equals peace.
Mad love, Jenna
