Scorpio New Moon

New moons are just like new years or Mondays for that matter, a reason to start over, to begin again. Scorpio specifically surrounds themes of death, but with all deaths comes a rebirth. We can look to the symbolism of the phoenix rising from the ashes. In order to do that, we must let go of that which is dead or dying. If we keep putting all of our energy into keeping the spent wick burning, we will never get to light the spark that will propel us into a new direction.

Navigating the Underworlds

It’s quite a journey to get into the center of one’s soul. We tuck it away thinking that we are protecting that nugget of gold, but we are in fact hiding the core of who we are from the world. I acknowledge that for some, me included, keeping those things private was a survival mechanism. It’s not always safe in the physical realm to be completely ourselves. We live in a world full of cruelty and hate for people who are not like us. But doesn’t that just mean that we are all hiding? From something?

Autumn seems to be the perfect time to investigate the proverbial skeletons in the closets of our own lives. The nights will get longer and the days shorter, shifting from the high energy of summer slowly into the restful hibernation of winter. (Why do we still do the time change anyway? It seems so unnecessary, and quite frankly annoying at this point.) Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, the God of the Underworld, so there’s that as well.

I have personally uncovered quite a bit about myself from diving into those super uncomfortable places, the ones we try so desperately to avoid. Those feelings hurt immensely, which is why most people try to push it outward onto others through their own rage, ignorant of the fact that under all that anger is pain. It’s a hurt little girl (me) trying to get her needs met the only way that she knew how. The first step was to realize that I was hurting people that I loved. The second step was to come to the understanding that I didn’t know how to get better, to be a better person. I think you know where this is going. Also, I am starting to feel like I am reciting the 12-Step Program that I know absolutely nothing about.

Death to the Ego

Going to therapy quite frankly saved my life, more than the medications ever did. I am not against medications by any means. I have taken various types of SSRIs and Benzos while being tightly monitored. They got me through some very difficult times in my life, so I won’t knock anyone for needing that type of help. Personally speaking though, I think it only delayed my actual healing. Our Western medical system likes to treat the symptoms of people’s problems, instead of getting to the root cause of things. My problems: trauma, and a shit ton of it.

Once I started attacking the traumas head on, that’s when things really started to change for me. EMDR, along with DBT, and a group session directly led me to eventually weaning off of all my prescription drugs, including my cholesterol medicine and birth control. Fun fact: There are a ton of studies coming out about how hormonal birth control can cause depression in women, not to mention the harm of completely shutting off a part of your brain-body connection. It’s the direct line from the womb, women’s intuition. Birth control did give us a ton of freedom to be sexual beings in this world without the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, so there are some positives that I would be remiss not to address.

Scorpio season actually celebrates the feminine, the yin qualities that we all carry within us. It’s time to call back the power that belongs to you, that is yours by birthright. And then you have to do something with that fire. I truly believe that we are meant for more than pushing papers in a cubicle or slinging drinks in a bar. Our capitalistic society has made us believe that our worth comes from our production, when we are in fact worthy simply for existing. I had to stop giving credence to others in order to put that confidence back into myself.

Leaving a Legacy

I don’t think I am ever going to stop learning how to love myself. I feel like every time I jump over one hurdle, I am faced with yet another obstacle in my path. Some of these stumbling blocks are my own damn fault, and some are caused by others. I have made great strides in this department by recognizing my culpability in my own progress, or lack there of. I did the best with what I knew at the time. Forgiving yourself is hard.