Scorpio is in my second house, the House of Possessions, and I found myself exploring a new approach to managing wealth. We all grow up with certain emotionally leanings in regard to money, usually influenced by our parents and their relationship to finances. I grew up in a house where we didn’t talk about those things, as it was considered to be a “private matter.” Having only one parent able to work for the majority of my childhood brought on some scarcity issues that I am still trying to untangle myself from. The lack of conversation left me confused much of the time, and quite frankly has hindered me from creating strong financial skills.
Not only did it handicap my knowing how to deal with money, it also made me terrified to leave abusive jobs for fear of not being able to support myself, of not being able to get a comprable paying job. I tolerated all the sexual assaults and harassments, all the managerial debasements, and the crushing blows to my concept of self-worth. I became a scared shell of a human, knowing only that I had to do what I had to do to afford to put a roof over my head and to be able to feed myself.
I often wonder how my life would have been different (better?) if I had been taught to think, to know, that I deserve better than what I was given, if I had been taught to think of myself in a better regard. Much like the Sun during an eclipse, I was obscured and my light was dimmed. A part of me blames my life’s circumstances, while another part of me blames my parents. I understand that a lot of it has to do with them not realizing and working through their own traumas, and at the same time, I find myself hurt and angry at all of it. This is the emotional side of the Second House, the part that I am responsible for healing.
I have now learned that sometimes we simply have to walk away from things that are no longer serving us, often without any sort of clear direction for the future. In order to have the space and capacity to welcome new things into our lives, we have to get rid of the garbage that’s taking up all that space. When I left the hippie bar, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. Honestly some days I still don’t. I just keep going, keep doing the next thing, hoping that it will lead me to somewhere fulfilling in this life of mine. To some extent it is. I have regained my love for writing, although my true desire is to write a book. I am dancing again, something that I once gave up, thinking it was a useless waste of time. I will probably take a million pictures of myself before I die, all in an effort to find some semblance of joy on this Earth.
I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing.
Hillel
We can look to the Six of Swords as a guiding force during this chapter of our own story. This tarot card can assist us in figuring out what needs to come with us on our journey and what you can leave behind. What baggage am I carrying that I no longer need? The swords represent a type of mental conflict, the rational mind as opposed to intuition or affairs of the heart. Life comes with challenges, often ones that come with grief and regret, but this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take them on. Quitting isn’t always the coward’s way out. Sometimes escaping is the only answer.
If you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
Eminem, Lose Yourself
It can feel brutal coming to terms with different aspects of yourself, but also freeing in a way. Dagaz, the rune of breakthrough, symbolizes this type of 180-degree turn away from the darkness in our lives. “In each life there comes at least one moment which, if recognized and seized, transforms the course of that life forever” (The book of Runes, Ralph Blum). The key to all this self-change is to move slowly and stay grounded. Rest, stay hydrated, and cry if need be. Tears are an all-natural pain reliever. Take the analgesic. We have a long road ahead of us.
Made love, Jenna
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