Sagittarius Solar New Moon Eclipse

This was the second solar eclipse of 2021, the first being on June 10 during the Gemini New Moon. That one invited us to take a giant leap into unknown territories, to try something that we never in a million years thought was possible. This, very much like the Fool in tarot, can be terrifying to the inner child. I can look back at certain times in my life where I have allowed that fear to hold me back from accomplishing my dreams, my goals in this life. I’m getting better at trying and sucking at things.

Our lizard brains don’t like it when we push against our comfort zones. The difficulty lies in the fact that this is exactly where growth occurs. Solar eclipses have a way of sort of herding us toward that yucky space, as they portal us into a deeper knowing of the world and ourselves. It can sometimes feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under us, as they sweep away what no longer serves us. But these teachers, or awakeners as they are sometimes called, are actually a good thing. DBT teaches us that you can’t get over your emotions; you have to go through them. Think of this as a way of shining a light on one of those skeletons you’ve kept hidden in the closet of your soul.

Dance Saved Me

During my teenage years I switched from dance to school clubs, trying to be a part of something different than what I had done for so long. I stopped dancing until I was old enough to pass for 18 so I could get into nightclubs, but that is a whole other topic for another day. It took me a while to untangle why I stopped doing the thing that I thought I loved so much. It hit me hard during a therapy session, as things usually do, that I had actually been dissociating from my body for the majority of my childhood. I could replicate the movements, but I wasn’t feeling it in my body. I was too scared to be in my body; it wasn’t safe. My classical ballet training along with cultural conditioning and trauma had contributed to my false concept of maiden beauty, that my body was for someone else’s entertainment and not my own. I was taught to dance for an audience.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but rummaging through all those old dance costumes made me want to dance again. (See awkward AF tik tok videos for proof.) It’s scary, and uncomfortable, and I have to go hide after I post anything, but I feel like this is the coming out of the cocoon part of this challenge for me. Coming back to dance pushed me to process some of what I was actively trying to avoid. Thanks airy Gemini for blowing the wind out of that sail, or more accurately for steering my ship directly on the course the Universe wants me on.

I am learning how to release emotions through various embodiment practices. Yoga is a major player for me, if you couldn’t tell by my Spotify Wrapped results. I have listened to the same song to during my practice for about 2 years now. I think it’s the ADHD thing. I have different playlists and scents (candles, essential oils, incense) for when I am trying to accomplish certain tasks. It helps me get Mr. Lizard up there into a certain frame of mind. Also it’s the perfect amount of time to allow my French press to sit for my morning coffee.

A Real Lunatic

The moon is the arbiter of your emotions. This is where the word “lunatic” comes from, a person who is not in control of their emotions. We had a Sagittarius Lunar Eclipse on May 26 this year, which may have burned away any remaining perceptions you may have held. Let’s not forget that the phoenix rose from the ashes. The symbolism shows us, much like the Tower in the Tarot, that sometimes the foundation is the problem. And if you keep trying to rebuild on shoddy cement, than you are going to keep having to struggle to maintain the bullshit repair jobs. Sometimes you have to dig it all up, and start it all over from scratch.

That lunar eclipse was instigated by the solar eclipse from December 14, 2020. As if we didn’t have enough trauma from that year to last us all the rest of our lives. All three of these events are coming together to shakeup any remaining relationship patterns with the most recent Sagittarius Solar Eclipse on December 4, thus completing its cycle. As someone who has struggled with keeping and maintaining boundaries, these lessons could not come at a more opportune time. The holidays season is here and I have had all year to practice telling toxic people in my life to fuck off.

Emotional Contagion

I haven’t cut off everyone in my life, although my core group has dwindled down to a more manageable size. Bigger isn’t always better. Throw back to my Cheeburger days where I was recited a Saturday Night Live skit that I never thought was funny on a daily basis. Delightful. (I hope you can feel the sarcasm in that word.) I am reorganizing the pedestals that I put people on. We have to do that every so often during various seasons of our lives. Things change. People change.

They tell us not to walk toward the light, but that is exactly what we need to do in order to get out of the darkness. Call it an existential crisis, a nervous breakdown, a spiritual revolution, a midlife crisis, finding your dharma, rewilding, getting untamed. We are all cycling through different parts of this same process at different times. Once I started to see that, that we all have these control issues, these same power struggles going on, I was able to see people as less of they/them and more as humans also trying to figure out this thing called life.

The question then became whether or not I wanted to continue believing those same victim stories that I had been telling myself my whole life, or whether I wanted to be foolishly bold and make up some better lies for myself. Shit! If this is all a giant fairy tale anyway, than I am going to spin a better yarn. I didn’t graduate with a BS in Public Relations for nothing. I’m pretty sure the BS stands for bullshit.

I am grateful for the lessons that the maiden has taught me. I am at a certain point in my life where I am being asked to step into another season, through another threshold. I won’t say I am discarding her in any way, more like pushing her into the background for an undetermined amount of time. We all must help our inner maidens bloom into Crones, the ones who can sit on the thrones of their emotions with queenly energy. That, my friends, does an eclipse season make.

Song Inspired by the Season: Cruel to be Kind by Letters to Cleo

Mad love, Jenna