I don’t know what to say, or what to do, so I tend to give people space. Maybe it’s because that’s how I like to process emotions, alone. I don’t like people all up in my shit.
Ask anyone who has known me for long enough that I hardly ever invite people into my house. There was that one time that Ben and I had a cookout. It was one of the most stressful days of my life, another one being my wedding day. I’ll save that story for another day.
Sometimes I don’t know the answer, which direction to turn. I don’t want to be a bother, but at the same time I don’t want my friends to think that I don’t care. I do. I care more than most people will ever understand. That’s a part of the problem. I care to the point that it pains me. I know my capacity to feel is one of my gifts. It’s just so overwhelming sometimes. And then there is that friends who reaches out to you, and asks you for something special.
You see, a friend asked me for a tarot reading. I had never given one before, nor have I ever received one. It’s just something that I love. I don’t even know if she even realized that in that moment of her just throwing out that question, (just fuck it, I’ll just ask) what she actually did. She saw that I had a passion, resonated with it, and asked me to share. Wow! I didn’t realize how much I needed that in my life. To be seen, to be truly seen. That is just so fucking beautiful.
She wasn’t even doing that for me. She was doing that for herself. Reciprocity, is that what this is? I am happy to help in any way that I can, that I have the capacity for. It’s just that no one ever asks me.
Mad love, Jenna
