I have been crying entirely too much recently. I mean, it’s been quite therapeutic releasing all of these pent up emotions. But give me a fucking break already! Between the red, puffy eyes and the ugly crying, I am getting real over this watery season we are in. I am not one of those people who cries pretty. What the fuck is that even?
Pass the Tissues
Emotions are running deep over here. In fact, we are flooding. And by we, I mean me. This Cancer New Moon is activating all kinds of empathy in me. I am crying at the drop of a hat these past few weeks. The dam is breaking. It’s almost like I am leaking, overflowing like the cistern at the Barn during a hard rain. None of this is a bad thing. I have stuffed all these emotions down for far too long. The never-ending story of my life without the fluffy luck dragon to fly around on.
Cancer, the zodiacal sign of home and family, rules the stomach area. Annapurna, the Hindu Goddess of Nourishment, represents the divine motherly wisdom that I call upon during these times. Deep belly breathing provides me a specific sort of sustenance that I have neglected to give myself for years.
I fill up the cups, But it's never enough. I no longer qualify For the criteria you modify.
As a woman I have been told to suck it in all my life. They meant my stomach, but I took it oh so much further than that. I sucked everything in, my juvenile attempt at existing in this world. It was never enough. I may as well have been wearing a corset, shallow breathing was the only kind that I was allowed.
Focus
It’s hard to focus on where you are going, if you keep looking back at where you have been. If you don’t learn from your past mistakes, than you will continue to repeat the old and suffer because of it. Both can be true at the same time (that grey area again). I have to remember to keep grounding myself into the present moment. I tend to get stuck time travelling if I am not careful.
Cut away the old, the dead, the no longer needed. I mean that with people and habits. It’s lonely, and it sucks. I acknowledge that. But here is the kicker: How can I make room for the new, if all the old is still taking up all this space? I can’t do everything. I have to choose.
Choose is my word of the year. I sure did pick a good one, because it just keeps popping up everywhere. While I can’t make every decision about my life, I can make some. I can choose who and how my energy is held, but that requires a bit of structure in the form of boundaries. You know? That thing I have royally sucked at doing for my entire life.
Cancerian Energy
Success is one of those words that I keep having to redefine for myself. I want it, to be successful, but I want it on my terms. I want to create the life that I want to live. In order to do that, I need to show up and to step out.
It’s no easy feat being yourself in a world where everyone wants you to be someone else. The amount of mental gymnastics it takes to jump through everyone else’s hoops is exhausting. It’s why I crave alone time so much. It’s the only time us people-pleasers get any sort of relief.
I just want to be my unequivocal goofy, sexy ass self. Music and movement, the two things I let fall by the wayside, are bringing me back to life. I’m done living my life for other people. They say we only get one shot at this crazy thing we call life. I’m about to twerk my way through it.
Let’s dance through this watery Cancer energy together with a new playlist!
Mad love, Jenna
