I was running my favorite route, the challenging one with hills and the dirt path through the woods. I use the jog through the neighborhood to get to the park as my warm up, mainly because I always get stuck at the traffic light.
There have been massive construction vehicles of varying types around the park’s side entrance (the one I use) for months. I am not really sure what they are doing, but they are always there.
I had just managed to make it to the park entrance, so I slowed to a walking pace. I usually stretch out my shoulders for a second and catch my breath for my actual run. That’s when I heard it. That’s when I heard the construction worker, wearing his bright yellow shirt and his standard white hard hat. “Good job, baby girl!” he yelled across the street at me.
I immediately looked over at the group, who were ignoring me at this point. I didn’t know which guy it was (They were all dressed exactly the same), and my first thought was “Ew! Gross! But then I paused for a second.
Am I judging him because he is a construction worker, and that’s the stereotype? We see it all over both traditional and social media types with funny memes and commercials. We forget that these are people.
What if he was genuinely trying to be a nice person, supporting me in my running efforts? If it was a female who said it, would I have been so quick to be offended? (In all truthness, women can be just as aggressive in their advances.) Or maybe I am looking for something to be offended by, so I attach that judgement to those words “good job, baby girl.”
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
We can be so quick to blame them when sometimes (not every time), it truly is our own judgments that are getting in the way of our happiness. I could have held on to that first moment of disgust and anger, but I chose another way. I chose to look at things from a different perspective. I took the words, “Good job, baby girl” at face value.
The Power of the Pause
It was that little moment of time, and it really felt like 2.5 seconds, that gave me the space to ask myself a few questions. Is the story that I was telling myself actually true? (Read more about the stories we tell ourselves here.) Maybe he was in fact a creepy, old dude. The truth is I don’t know. I never stopped to talk to him.
What I did do was laugh. I made my way to the park entrance, and I had a great run. What I didn’t do was allow those few words to get under my skin. I took their power away.
I cannot control what challenges the day will bring, but I can control my reactions to them.
Daily Affirmation
Slowing down has been the hardest thing for me to accomplish. I still struggle with it to this day. (Read more about that here.) I want so badly to get through to the other side, “the happy side,” but I am missing the point entirely I now realize. There is no happy side. I can choose to be happy, just as easily as I can choose to be angry and hurt.
In therapy, I learned that there is a circle of control. Inside that circle is your mind. That is the only thing you can control. I did that. I stopped my emotions from taking over by simply pausing to ask myself a few questions.
You must stop and ask yourself, “Is this factual?” Or as I like to say, “Reality-check those messages!” Remember that emotions love themselves. It is your choice where you go with that. Do not let your emotions control you.
The Dark Side of the Soul
This experience, while successful in my own efforts, also led me to want to dive further into a not-so-pleasant side. My initial reaction was that of disgust and anger. While my efforts got me through an emotional situation, I also feel a bit concerned about my judgements of other people.
Seemingly without any thoughts at all, I saw a person and made a judgement. Even before that guy opened his mouth, my brain had already primed itself for a reaction. That guy had no chance.
Your brain starts making assumptions and applying thoughts and beliefs to whatever is happening. It is all based on your knowledge and awareness. Other things can also affect your interpretation of the event (because that is what it truly is), such as sleep, mood, hunger, and other recent past events.
Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.
Susan Statham
I don’t really like that initial reaction. That is not the type of person that I want to be. I would eventually like to get to the point where I can release from my own judgements. While I can’t control every situation, I can control what I think about it. And in turn, control how I react to it.
Through education and more understanding of myself, I am trying to change that. I may not always get it right. I may even offend someone. But please know that I am trying. You can’t change the world without changing yourself first.
XOXO – Jenna
