Going Feral

I am still not entirely sure what happened at the studio that night, but I’m afraid if I don’t get something written down soon that I’ll forget all the small moments that made it so magical. This was an entirely new experience for me, one that I am still reeling from, one that I will cherish for the rest of my life, one that I will 100 percent do again.

Note: This event was closed to the public and no phones were permitted. The videos shown in this pole diary entry are from other studio sessions.

This event was basically our version of a strip club, the only difference being that ours was ladies only. There were 20 of us, each going two rounds on two poles, so four dances in total. At three minutes each song, the whole event lasted a little over two hours long, concluding with what was basically a giant orgy in the middle of the room.

Wait! What?

Don’t worry. I’ll get there.

We were given an order in which we were to perform, but we had no idea what song was going to be played. That part absolutely terrified me, as I am the one in the class who almost always asks what song we are going to be dancing to. It helps me to know the beat, which is why in some of my videos I will walk around the pole a couple times before I begin. I am listening to the music to get a feel for how I want the dance to flow.

And before you ask what songs I ended up dancing to… I have not a clue. Everything happened so fast, and it was so wild and raw, that I didn’t really think. I just danced. Which I think was kind of the point, to give us all the gift of shutting off our judgmental brains and to just let us all go completely feral.

I went with this video game panty set for my first outfit. I wanted to do something playful, hoping that the silliness would help to squash some of the nervousness that I had leading up to the event. That all went away the moment I stepped up to the pole. I did my first trick, which I believe was a Gemini to Butterfly to Hip Hold combination that I’ve been playing with in class, and I heard all the screams coming from the audience. Money started flying in my direction and landing at the base of the pole. It was exhilarating and I felt so seen, so supported. And then it was on to the next song, on to the next pole.

This was my second fit, minus the gloves and the shoes. I wanted to embody the feral nature of a cat, and considering at some point during the second set I took my top off and threw it into the audience, I think I accomplished that goal.

By this point most of the other girls had lost at least their top, some even lost their bottoms as well. I thought about it. Honestly, I did. I was too busy shaking my ass in people’s faces though. I lost track of the time and then the song was over. I shoved my money to the side and made way for the next girl to take her place on the pole.

I know. I know. You are like, “Get to the orgy part!” It wasn’t exactly an orgy. Nobody came, so calm down.

When the last girl got to the second pole, rather than dance alone, she began slowly pulling the rest of the dancers back into the middle of the room. Many of us were still half naked from before, and those who weren’t quickly started to take things off again. We were humping the floor and each other. We were shaking ass and titties in each other’s faces. We were eye fucking the absolute shit out of each other. And I cannot even begin to describe to you how much I needed that.

This is the first space that I have been a part of that I have felt comfortable being this raw with people. And I know that sounds weird considering what I do for a living. Women can be very catty towards each other. I could go into all the ways in which our society pits us against each other, but I really don’t want to go down that particular rabbit hole.

To say I’m grateful for this community feels like it doesn’t do it enough justice. We cry with each other, we hold space for each other, we genuinely care about each other. And for someone who spends the majority of her time in the company of men, there is just something different about being accepted in all your feral rawness by a group of like-minded women.

Mad love, Jenna