The Full Hunter Moon signals us to begin the process of gathering meat, and preparing it for the winter when the animals that feed us also hunker down for their own hibernation. They have, as I was taught, been fattening themselves up for the cold months ahead as well. (Insert Homer Simpson drooling noises here.) Although I have recently learned that bears do not stay in their caves for the duration of the season. Call my mind blown. I feel a little betrayed by our educational system, but what else is new?
History is taught by the victors, as the saying goes. Or more like, parts of our history get mysteriously written out of the conversation. It’s quite amazing how much has changed since the advent of social media and the whole technological movement. One the one hand I feel absolutely shitty about myself scrolling through the images of how wonderful everyone else has it. On the other hand I somehow feel not alone in feeling that way, because I see other people talking about that as well. A love-hate relationship, I suppose.
Cry of the Heart
This particular new moon initiated a powerful transformation within myself. It felt almost as though a veil had been lifted, another layer of the onion removed. And boy did that cause an emotional upheaval. Here we are six months later coming to some serious conclusions about where I stand on certain issues, and boundaries that I will no longer allowed to be crossed. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was wrong about some things. And then I had to forgive myself for all of the ugly that I spewed out into the world unknowingly. Because here is the thing: just because you didn’t mean to cause harm, doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for the harm that you did cause. Apologize. Learn. Do better next time.
I threw Eihwaz down that day. Patience is basically what this rune is saying. “Nothing hectic, no acting needy, or lusting after a desired outcome.” (The Book of Runes, Ralph Blum) I absolutely suck at this whole being patient thing. I just wanted to get through the ugly parts in order to hurry up and get to the other side, the pretty manicured Insta-worthy side. I mean, we do that to ourselves in real life too. Suck it up, we tell the boys. Why can’t you just let it go? We say to the girls.
There’s no crying in baseball.
Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own
I pulled the Ace of Pentacles on a new moon, which seems very apropos considering aces are the cards that initiate each tarot suit. While some tarot readers see that pentacles as correlating to money, I personally read these discs, as they are sometimes called, in a more esoteric way. Somewhere along the way we placed our value in how much money we make, (thanks capitalism) but the tarot has been around much longer than our current societal iteration. My definition of success is quite different, my worth being more reliant on how I put myself out in this world and the things that I can offer.
White-Aboutism
I remember my own turn up at bat to white fragility. I have 100% exclaimed that I wasn’t a racist in that defiant tone of Karen. I was blind to the oppressive caste system, even though I participated in it and perpetuated it. I cried “What about me?” out of confusion, misunderstanding, ignorance. My own needs hadn’t been met either, because I too was suffering under that same caste system. My white privilege allowed me to turn away to what was truly happening all around me. When our privilege is questioned, it almost feels like we are being questioned at our core. I remember because it wasn’t that long ago, not when you consider how long the BIPOC communities have been crying for us to see. Now I can’t not see, and my heart weeps.
It's not less of the pie When the pie Isn't even a pie anymore.
We are scared, and the powers that be are using that fear to pit us all against each other. Scarcity only happens when the haves keep it all for themselves. The fact of the matter is that there is enough to go around. It’s one thing to be prepared, but it is quite another to allow that grip of terror take hold around your neck. I lived in that space for a very long time, and I will tell you that it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience. The only thing that I managed to do was to forebode the joy in my life. When your body is constantly buzzing from being on high alert all the time, it makes it sort of difficult to “be in the moment” as they say.
It takes an enormous amount of courage to be vulnerable, but that is the first step in a long path toward finding some semblance of elation every now and then. It’s nerve-wracking as hell to put yourself out there in this world day in and day out. Here’s a fun fact: the same anxious-tummy, butterfly-nausea feeling you get when you are terrified is the same feeling you get when you are excited about something. Your brain just interprets the situation in a different manner due to what prompted the emotions and your assumptions about the situation. It’s truly all a matter of perspective. A perspective that is insanely difficult to master.
Mad love, Jenna
