“I’m not a baby now,” she says as she begins to undress herself. First the sweater. Then the plaid skirt held together by a mere button. “I’m not as sweet as you think.”
“Rock and roll” was his reply, as he undid the button on his pants, slid the zipper down, and leaned back in his chair. Yikes.
I have most definitely been rejected before, and I think we all know how much that fucking hurts. I have never actually thrown myself at someone in this way though. My friend likes to tell me I’m way too innocent for that. She thinks it’s adorable actually.
“I’m not like you. I don’t need to do what you do with guys.” Corey said to Gina as she slid her red bra off from underneath her fuzzy sweater, dropping it on the table.
“Oh, I see, not like me, the turbo-slut.”
I have a theory, one in which I am not entirely sure where it came from. Something just sort of clicked in my brain one day that I was no longer going to beat myself up about things. I am not ashamed to be a beginner at life. The whole point is to have fun, to do the things that bring you the most joy. And sometimes that goes against the grain of society. Sometimes it goes against the things that we thought we believed. Sometimes we have to go against ourselves in order to actually be ourselves.
Life works out it some mysterious ways. It doesn’t always take us along the path that we think it will. Sometimes the road takes some unexpected twists and turns to get us to the places that we need to be. I’m not entirely sure how I got here, to this place in my life, to this open way of thinking about the world and where I fit into it. My friend says that I’m in a good place, and that my outlook is quite refreshing. She also told me I have cute tits, so there’s that. At the end of the day I am mostly happy, and I suppose that’s all we can really ask of the universe.
At the end of the movie Warren shoots up the store, leading Mark to the idea of free publicity. They were going to throw a big fucking party to save the Empire from Mitch, that asshole in a business suit. Debra isn’t sad anymore. Gina gets to sing on top of the building with Burko. Joe and Jane finally hook up. Corey gets with AJ. Warren ends up getting a job at the record store. And Lucas states that everything is “not entirely perfect.”
I know I’m not perfect. I know that everything I do here is not perfect. Some of it makes me cringe a bit actually. I may be naïve about a lot of things in this world, but I am extremely self-aware. It feel worse to suppress my self-expression. It makes me irritable and resentful, and I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t pretend to be cool or to be anything that I’m not. Not anymore, at least. I burnt myself out masking the person that I am. It’s exhausting to say the least. I am earnest and I live from my heart, which is both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
All this to say that perfection is a fallacy, and quite frankly, a waste of my fucking time. Rave on.
