Birthdays are something that I am starting to not understand. They are weird. We celebrate the day that we are born with fun times with friends and family, gifts of love, and sweet treats. It’s quite fun actually, for the person who was born.
When you break down the actual birth process, shouldn’t we be celebrating the mothers instead? Just like a cocoon the caterpillar does all the work, while the butterfly gets all the glory. Kind of makes me feel like Mother’s Day once a year seems silly, and not quite enough either.
Nine months is a lot of time to willingly give up your life to create another life. Something that I am not willing to do. Some people may call that selfish. Fine. I’m selfish.
Childless by Choice
I don’t want children. It’s not that I don’t like them. It’s just not something that I am interested in. I have written about this before, but I think it goes much deeper than what I previously thought. I knew I didn’t want to be pregnant for two main reasons: 1. I didn’t want to actually be pregnant. That sounds just god awful to me, but I left the door open for adoption. That didn’t sound so bad. 2. I don’t necessarily think it is every womb’s job to have children. Let’s face it, maybe some people just shouldn’t.
I may not be a mother In the traditional sense But I still have a womb Where all life emerges. I still have things I want to birth Into this world. Womb wisdom.
I later realized through hours of therapy and journaling that I needed to take adoption off the table. I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s life. It’s the reason I quit being a lifeguard when I was a teenager. That’s a story in itself, but for another time.
Honestly
I have heard mothers talk of their children as though a piece of them is now living on the outside. That sounds utterly painful. Why anyone would willingly do that is beyond me?
I have only recently Found my heart. I'd like to hold on her For a little while longer.
That is just not something that I am willing to do right now. I am in a space where I want to live life wholly for myself, and no one else. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I am simply being honest with myself and asking what it is that I truly want out of this life. I don’t think I have ever stopped to ask myself that before.
Undercover Assignment
What I would really like to know is what ass-hat decided that a woman’s sole purpose in this world is to procreate? These are the requirements that our culture hands us at birth. Men get put into the selective service to fight wars for us. Women are required to have children. Here is your life’s work. Now go be a good little girls and boys, and accept your assignments.
Fuck that. There is a whole other conversation that we could have about whether or not we should be fighting these wars in the first place. This birth requirement though, I will rage a war on that part.
My body. My choice. My ass. The people who are making all of these decisions don’t actually care about us as people. It’s all about control, and it always has been. Maybe they were just better at hiding it before? Maybe it’s because of the technological revolution? Maybe we are just tired of suffering under the thumbs of others? A little bit of all three, and then some?
Mad love, Jenna
