The archetype of Capricorn is this: freedom through self-actualization, which simply put means realizing our own potential. It has been six months since that Capricorn New Moon that started us off, and I am cognizant of so much more about myself and about the world. I have leaned heavily on the teachings of the rune Algiz, the rune of protection. “During times of transition, shifts in life course and accelerated self-change, it is important not to collapse into your emotions – the highs as well as the lows” (The Book of Runes, Ralph Blum). Learning how to pause and reflect to respond, not react out of my emotions, has been a rollercoaster to say the least. I have had to apologize more than once to people I love dearly and to myself. Then I had to learn how to forgive myself, not an easy task to accomplish when you have spent your whole life beating yourself down. I am my own worst enemy at times, but I can also be my best friend too.
Ruled by Saturn and symbolized by a goat, Capricorn carries with it some very serious energy. This comes at at time when some serious decisions are being handed down by the courts, which makes boundaries, a key component of Saturn, all the more important. Learning how to stand up for myself is a task in and of itself. I don’t do it very often, as is the training of white women in this country. They teach us to be quiet and unassuming, pretty and educated, but not too smart. And we must never age. It has become all too clear as to why we are taught these things, and why we are encouraged to tear each other down when someone doesn’t meet all the criteria. If we keep fighting each other, than we will never overcome the true enemy.
I am not going to sit here on my high horse and pretend that I am perfect, because I am far from it. I am not going to sit here an pretend like I am not inherently racist, because this is the water we are all swimming in. It takes a conscious effort on your part to want to rise up above these ideas and to become a better, more accepting person. I have taken the first few steps to educate myself, and there are many more to be had. I hope that by changing myself, I can begin to make an impact on the world. That’s where it all starts isn’t it? The Queen of Pentacles supports us in this by acknowledging that “you are tending to yourself, knowing that to care for others, you need to first care for yourself” (Biddy Tarot, Brigit Esselmont). We cannot demand change to happen around us if we aren’t willing to take a hard look at ourselves, to see what part we have played in all the madness.
Consent, Or Lack There Of
Sex education in this country is severely lacking, and it is only getting worse. We can sit here and pretend like the separation of church and state has only recently become completely obliterated, but these teachings, or lack there of, having been going on for quite some time now. I remember being taught that abstinence is the only option, and that is something that has never sat well with me. As someone who was violated more than once as a child, I did not get to make that choice, and I feel as though I am not alone here. We get taught to “just say no,” but my “no” didn’t seem to make much of a difference. After a while, I just stopped saying it. No one was listening anyway.
The other part of the education was the dreaded STD slide show, a fear-mongering tactic used to keep children compliant in their denials of sex. There was a long part of my life where I would gag at the thought of eating cauliflower thanks to that. It feels so very shame-based, which is what they use to manipulate us into adhering to whatever rules are in play at the time. They are constantly changing it seems, and very rapidly as well. The problem that I have with all of this is that these sex education classes they have us attend is based on religious beliefs and not actual science-based fact. Had I been taught proper consent, maybe I wouldn’t have been assaulted so many times, maybe I would have kept screaming “no.” I dissociated instead, losing myself in the process.
In the United States 39 states and the District of Columbia have sex education and/or HIV education in place. Only 17 states require those teachings to be medically accurate, one of those states being Virginia. However Virginia allows each district to define what the term “medically accurate” is, which is completely bonkers to me. Okay fine. They did teach me what Toxic Shock Syndrome is, something I could have easily read from the insert that comes with a box of tampons. All of this to say that it wasn’t until my 30’s until I stumbled upon The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jen Gunter and Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler when I really began to get answers to all of my questions. I would have never asked my parents any of this stuff, and to be honest I don’t think they know the answers themselves.
A Watery Mess
You get to a point in your life, probably around the time your parents had you, that they have no idea what they are doing. Up until now you probably thought they had all the answers, but in reality they were fed the same white-washed garbage that you have been fed. Everyone is literally making everything up as they go along, and we are all swimming in the same toxic waters. Capricorn is technically an earth sign, but carries with it similar characteristics of a water sign. This is the grounding energy that we need right now, considering our rights are being tossed out the window at every turn. I fear it will only get worse, at least until we reach some kind of breaking point. What is that even going to look like these days?
Only you can know what to do in the face of these new enlightenments. Only you can choose the next direction you want to take in this world. The truth is that we are always in these cycles of death and birth, like on a literal day to day basis. This full moon is asking a lot of us, which can be overwhelming, but like Glennon Doyle says “we can do hard things.” Sometimes those hard things included taking a magnifying glass to ourselves, to take a deep look into the ways we are violating our own personal value systems.
Capricorn, often referred to as a Sea-Goat, has the ability to scale mountain with its goat-half and swim into the depths of the ocean with his sea-half. We have to be able to see things from a bird’s eye perspective, to get a more expansive outlook of the world and how it operates. At the same time, we must take the time to dive into the depths of our own souls. We can only move forward if we can sit and deal with the unpleasantness of it all. It’s not always an easy task to realize that you are a part of the problem. It takes a lot of strength to forgive yourself knowing the harm you caused others. It takes even more to actively change yourself. Nobody ever said that you were going to like everything about yourself, but you can learn to love yourself throughout it all.
Mad love, Jenna
To See More…
Playing With Fire | A Day at the Beach
