My deepest apologies to the Black community for my usage of the phrase ‘black sheep.’ When I wrote this post, I was ignorant of my white privilege. I was ignorant of the inherent racism embedded into our society. I have a new post reflecting on these mistakes. Mad love, Jenna
I have always sort of felt like a black sheep in most social circles. I never really fell in with any sort of crowd, usually meandering through the differing cliques in high school. In college I worked full time and went to school full time, so I really had no social life to speak of except for a handful of close friends.
After college I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to do with my life, so I just stayed in restaurants. I met a ton of great people over the years, and pissed a lot of people off. (I was in management. Hiring and firing are a part of the deal.) A decade later I find myself still with only a handful of friends (most of the previous hand has been replaced) and a ton of questions.
You see. As my life has completely changed from being a bartender and running a restaurant to working for myself, I have much less social interaction that I had before. Work was my social interaction.
Getting Out of My Comfort Zone
Spending most days by myself gives me a lot of time to think and learn about myself. I have been privileged (I chose that word on purpose.) with the opportunity to really go deep within myself and figure out who I am and what I want to do.
I have found so many new interests just in the past few months! The “problem” is that some of my new interests are not very interesting to all of my friends, so I have very few people (besides the online world) that I can comfortably share my excitement with.
The reason that I put quotes around the word “problem” is because I realize that I am my own problem. I am terrified of putting myself out there in order to make new friends, friends who would be interested in the same new-to-me activities. Many of these interests, including astrology and tarot, I have grown quite fond of over the past few months. And I use them daily in my own self-discovery practice. Wouldn’t it be great to share all of my discoveries with someone who loves it just as much as I do? Yeah. It really would.
My first step out of my comfort zone this year was to join a barre studio. My sister-in-law teaches there, so it wasn’t that much of a jump. More of a baby step, if you will. Once a week on Sunday mornings I chug coffee on my way to a group fitness class where I literally talk to no one. People will generally chit-chat, but people don’t really stay around to get to know each other. This was a great start, but I needed a little more. Another little baby step.
When the owner of the barre studio put out a notice that she was going to be starting a book club, I was stoked. But I didn’t tell anyone about it except for my husband. When my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to do it with her, I casually texted her back, “yeah sure.” Inside I was thrilled. I love reading, and the first book was going to be a self-help book. Double-stoked.
Here’s my chance, I thought. I already know that all of these girls have one thing in common, we all love fitness and health. Now we can take it to the next level and really get to know each other.
When the day finally came for my first ever book club meeting, I was super excited and overprepared. I brought my Kindle with all of my highlights, and I had a few key points that I wanted to make. I was also super anxious about getting personal with a group of girls who I had just met. But I told myself that I wanted to do it, and dammit I was going to go and have a good time.
The secret of change is to focus your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.
Socrates
True story: only half of the girls finished the book. We did talk about the book a little bit, but we spent the majority of the time just getting to know one another. We told engagement stories and talked about other authors we like. We drank wine and laughed. One girl even passed around a video of her pet goldfish. (I kid you not! She was so proud of that fish.) Overall I would consider that a successful first book club meeting. One for the books even! (I couldn’t resist.)
About the Book
I was one of the half of the group that actually read the book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis. It focuses on dropping your excuses and creating behaviors to put your goals into motion.
While this was not my favorite “get out of your own way” type book. There was one small little aside in there that really struck a chord with me. Her friend Elizabeth says, “You need less wishbone and more backbone.” During this season of my life (because it is constantly changing), I am trying to cultivate the confidence that I need to put myself out there. In order to do that I need courage and boundaries.
Without courage we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”
Maya Angelou
It’s time for more action and less wishful thinking. It’s time to push forward if I really want to make my dreams happen, if I truly want to live on my own terms. But I also need to put up boundaries to protect myself, to protect my time, my energy, and my mental health.
What sort of boundaries do you set for yourself? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
XOXO Jenna
