We can track the seasons not only by the weather, but also by the behaviors of the wildlife around us. They give us hints as to what actions we need to be taking in order to better prepare us for the next season of our lives. We are now in the depths of summer. I can tell by the way the humidity won’t let up, and the rising temperatures that keep me inside for most of the day. According to the Farmer’s Almanac, the giant sturgeon of the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain are the easiest to catch during this part of the summer. These prehistoric fish, also known as “living fossils,” agitate the mud and silt on lake and river bottoms in search for food. This is where their name comes from, as the word sturgeon literally translates into “stirrer.”
Aquarius is all about the emotional realm, about bringing the feelings to the forefront so that we can deal with them appropriately. Sometimes referred to as the “water bearer,” Aquarius is ruled by both Saturn and Uranus. Saturn is the planet of boundaries and Uranus is the planet that rules our higher minds. By cultivating the archetypes of these forces, we can give ourselves the protective energy that will allow us to delve into the emotional tidal waves we find ourselves being crushed under.
Forced Stop
The day that the Aquarius New Moon came out, I made the conscious decision not to journal, nor did I pull a rune and tarot card for the day. This is an extremely rare occurrence for me these days. It’s literally how I start my day, every day. I did it because I hadn’t been sleeping well at all, and I desperately needed to rest. I am one of those people who will push myself until I literally make myself sick, and that’s exactly what I was doing. We call it burnout these days, but mine stems from a childhood of never being allowed to just sit and do nothing. I was always being carted off to dance class or softball practice. Then there were the swim lessons and the gymnastics practice, and the cross country team and the newspaper staff. If I slept in I was “wasting the day away.” More often than not I was told to go outside and play, often not coming home until it was time for dinner.
This all sounds good on paper. We try to ‘wear our kids out’ so they can sleep through the night, so they bother us less, so that we can get done the things that we need to get done. Unfortunately all this did was teach me that my worth was wrapped up in my productivity. I now find it ridiculously difficult to rest. Even reading, one of my favorite pastimes, often makes me feel as though I am doing something wrong, like I should be doing something more productive with my time. What we fail to realize is that sometimes doing nothing is the thing that we are supposed to be doing. We can’t be going, going, going all the time. Eventually that Energizer Bunny will kill that battery, and so will you.
It’s not only a part of many family dynamics, it’s also engrained into our culture. We are taught to hustle, to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, while at the same time ignoring the fact that the rich and powerful are making it ever more increasingly difficult to do so. The federal minimum wage has been $7.25 per hour since 2009, not nearly enough to survive these days. As I continue to unlearn much of what I have been taught, I find that I am fighting my own mind more often than not. Those neural pathways run deep, and it’s never an easy task to admit that you had this life thing all wrong. Forgiveness is yet another thing I am trying to figure out, mostly self-forgiveness, and being kinder to myself in general. It’s a tough one.
Baby Moon
Full moons hold similar traits to the ten in numerology. Like a baby full moon, they represent a beginning as well as an end. I know I focus on the energy between the new moon and its corresponding full moon, but there is also much potency to be had after a major event. There is a space in between this thing and the next thing, and that gap need not be filled with anything at all. We so often want to finish this and rush off to begin the next, but when we do that we miss out on the joy of the completion. Endings aren’t always disastrous events; they can also be celebrated as great victories.
We can look to the Ten of Cups as a guide during these times of our lives. This particular tarot card teaches is to make space for the “rainbows” of life, the small moments of joy that make it all worth living. I am finding it especially difficult these days with the never ending breaking news cycles. It is literally always something. We humans are not meant to have this much horror and tragedy thrown at us on a daily basis. Our brains can’t handle it. I notice it while I’m reading the news. My jaw clenches and my shoulders find their way up into my ears, a slow creep into intensity. My stomach churns into what I call my anxiety belly, often killing my appetite in the process. I’ve basically been put into flight or fight mode, and now I get to spend the next few moments of my day calming myself down.
I’m getting better at being able to read my moods, at being able to discern what I can take on at any given time. Some days I will look at my partner and tell him that I will not be talking about the news anymore for the day. I simply don’t have the spoons for it, I don’t have the capacity to take on any more bad news. I do struggle with the need to stay informed, because I do want to know what’s going on in the world, especially if it directly affects me. But let’s be honest, most of it doesn’t. Most of it is on the other side of the world, and while I do have empathy and compassion for those who are suffering in the most awful ways, I do also have to protect my own mental health in the process.
Age of Aquarius
According to some astrologers, although the dates significantly differ, we entered into the Age of Aquarius somewhere in March of 2021. Others say it began during the Great Conjunction in December of 2020, but regardless of that, this is a time where we can lean on hope and innovation. Even though Aquarius holds a lot of the symbolism of water, it is in fact a fixed air sign, and probably the most abstract of the three. (Gemini and Libra are the other two air signs.) The Aquarius archetype is the one that can give you the bird’s eye view of the situation. They are the dreamers, and are often associated with higher-order concepts. They tend to question the way things currently run, often ushering us into the “winds of change” through massive humanitarian projects.
Aquarius is all about collective responsibility, the desire to come together for the greater good. We’ve spent much of our lives focused on the individual, as is our culture. And we as a whole are now suffering greatly for it. With climate change and our desperate need for a structural reconfiguration, we may find ourselves now having to come up with new, lofty ideas that may at first seem quite out of reach. It sometimes feels crazy to believe that we could release ourselves from the centuries of false doctrines and destructive indoctrinations, but we could if we, as a collective, really wanted to. There are those in power who are consciously trying to stop us from this New Age way of living, mostly because they benefit from those oppressive states. From colonialism to capitalism, not much has changed it seems.
Much like Aquarius holds both the emotional heart and the airy mind, we can also unify the dualities within ourselves. It takes a lot of work, and probably more than one round of ugly crying. Or maybe that’s just me. Dear God, I hope not. If I have learned anything from this life it’s that changing the world can only come after we’ve taken some hard looks at ourselves to see what needs to change for us on the inside. Fix yourself to fix the world, as they say. It all begins at home. I hate it when those stupid sayings turn out to be true.
Mad love, Jenna
To See More…
The Water-Bearer | Reading Smut 2 | Getting Hosed
