Jennifer Yolton (she/her) is a queer, neurodivergent creator and author, whose writing focuses on her own mental health struggles through the lens of astrology and the tarot.
As a highly sensitive, anxious, traumatized kid growing up with emotionally neglectful parents I also knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I would end up in therapy. I never once thought it would be through a Christian-based organization.
Although I was baptized Episcopalian at my grandmother’s request, we never actually attended church except for the occasional wedding or funeral. I did go with friends to their various religious services during my childhood, often finding solace in the community support found under those steeples. I was never there enough to actually feel that sense of belonging that I so desired.
It wasn’t until years later that I finally received my first tarot deck, a gift from my partner that I will forever cherish. For years I have studied the archetypes of each card, only to realize that those 78 tarot cards make up the entirety of the human experience, with much emphasis on the emotional side of things. Emotions, something that I was never taught to fully comprehend, became tangible.
Even as I kept up with the uber-religious (to me) counseling, I still maintained this tarot practice on the side. Through Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in group, and numerous solo talk sessions I have come to realize that the tarot isn’t as malevolent as it’s made out to be in Hollywood and in the general media. In fact, it can be quite healing.
The tarot became my mirror, gently reflecting back to me the issue at hand without judgement or despair. I was able to see both sides of the equation, enabling me to make healthier choices for myself, ones that were thoughtful instead of coming from an emotional pain. The more I could sit with those uncomfortable emotions, the less of a hold they had over me.
I have learned that we can never escape our traumas and our past simply by ignoring them and pretending they will go away. We have to dive into the center of it all and heal it from the inside out. The tarot acts as an anchor for me in those moments, grounding me back into my own power.
Learning about the different archetypes depicted in the tarot stretched my curiosity over into the realm of astrology and the phases of the moon. As a people-pleaser for the majority of my life, I lost myself somewhere on the road. My birth chart has helped me to find my way back to that person I was before the world told me who it thought I should be.
As I further my understanding of the zodiac I can better honor the differing seasons in which I may find myself. I am better able to ride the emotional waves that pound to the shore, as well as the undercurrents of my life that keep pulling me back into the sea.
My hope has always been to help people feel no so isolated in their own mental health journey, as I often did. There is a stigma out there, and although it is improving, I feel that we have much more work to do. We all need help from time to time, whether that be the kind ear of a friend or the soft couch of a professional, none of which makes anyone weak or less than.
Mad Love, Jenna
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