Lemony Snicket had a series of unfortunate events. Me? I had a myriad of fuck-ups, many moments of either falling on my ass or showing it. This seems to be the main theme of the novel that is my life. The road sure is a bumpy one. Lucky for me it’s also given me a ton of practice picking myself back up, and getting back on the proverbial horse.
What’s that quote? You’ve survived 100% of your bad days. People act like it wasn’t a struggle to get here, like I didn’t fight tooth-and-nail to not lose myself completely in the madness of this world. We used to worry about getting hunted down by a lion or a bear. Those are not the battles we are fighting anymore. Now it’s with each other, and Tiger Queen, I am not.
My war is with myself, an internal struggle against the thoughts and opinions of others that were imprinted on me during my youth. Family, friends, school, it all contributed to my horrible self-esteem and lack of self-worth. It’s hard to retrain your brain not to go to those places you went as a child. The neural pathways are wired hard, but they aren’t hardwired. I suppose that was one lesson. Here are some more.
- What happened to you is not your fault. You were a child.
- You are enough just the way you are.
- Trust yourself.
- Get back into your body. Dance. Run. Get the wiggles out.
- It’s okay not to be okay.
- It’s okay to rest. You don’t have to be doing something all the time.
- Be curious. Ask questions. Find answers.
- Emotions are not truth.
- Stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself some grace.
- Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
- Create the things that you want to exist in this world.
- Feel your feelings before they feel you.
- Write it even if no one reads it.
- Stop apologizing for things that don’t need one.
- You are not alone, and it’s not weird.
- The only way out is through.
- Stop saying it’s okay just because someone apologizes. Sometimes it’s not.
- Breathe.
- Boundaries are to protect you, not to hurt others.
- Morning rituals are key to setting my headspace up for the day.
- Just be nice to each other.
- There are people that do care about you, even if they suck at showing it.
- Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line, nor does it happen in a vacuum.
- Emotions aren’t good or bad.
- Emotions love themselves.
- Don’t believe everything you think.
- You can teach an old dog new tricks. It’s called learning, and doing better with new information.
- Failing does not make you a failure.
- Do the hard thing first. Get it out of the way.
- Or doing an easy thing first. Sometimes accomplishing a task encourages you to go after another one.
- I am my own responsibility.
- Change is hard, by I can do hard things.
- You can change your emotions.
- Give yourself what you need right now.
- Drink water. You are probably just dehydrated.
- The answer is joy.
I will most definitely continue to fuck these things up every now and then. I am only human after all. Per usual I will be falling forward.
Mad love, Jenna
